…bj draKe is dead . bjdraKe.com is archived , only . the character of bj draKe was meant to walK the surface of my subconscious n pull the rot / d roots of depression out . but , he was dropping new , cracK / d seeds n watering them w / the tears of my torment that he inspired ; for the art . strolling deep into my consciousness w / this suicidal maniac is no longer safe n so today , we say goodbye to bj draKe w / his suicide note he left pierced w / a sharpie in the soil of a bonsai / d willow tree in the basement , next to the worn leather stool he tippy – toed n while finding words in the rafters .
rip to bj draKe n the ” grunge poetry ” style of murder / d grammar he sadistically dismember / d .
time of death ; 12 : 34 am , november 17th , 2018 .
below is his suicide note , in full .
speaKing from the acid bathed tongue of a dangerous wanderer who burrow / d deep into the bowels of your infantile anguish . this letter should be simple to grasp . all the warnings from literary suicide 101 courses , the only classes i paid attention to . since i elbow / d thru the laughter of your , shall we say , happiness etiquette n disregard / d it instead for self – loathing n a foul embracement of dead idols that has manifest / d to be disturbingly true . i made it impossible for you to visualize the creation of joy along w / an inability to listen for the small nuances that maKe life beautiful for too many years now b / c that ‘ s what we need / d to do . i feel guilt for these things b / c that ‘ s what sparKs my creativity ; your hurt . for example , i sucK / d the droplets of dry / d pride thru a twirl / d straw for my artistic amusement , draining your life – energy n leaving you collapsed on the floor , writhing in agony , weeping to mutter the manic roars i scream over your script / d affirmations . that ‘ s where these words were found . the facts . i can ‘ t fool you any longer . anyone of you . it simply isn ‘ t fair to me n the leathery ego i rub / d on rocKs when i push / d you off stage n onto the jag / d pebbles that smoulder on the shores of the laKe of fire . i earn / d these scars n the blacK blood that spill / d from them as i tore them loose . the worst crime i can thinK of is to grow w / you into that smiling boy you once were , who had close to 100 % fun , or at least try / d to smile . my contract is up b / c you void / d it n no longer will i punch in / out of your gratitude timeclocK n sit side – stage while i watch you perform to applause under the spotlight that i nurtured the broKen confidence that you sweat w / . i ‘ ve try / d everything in my power to get you to appreciate my gift n , goddamn , you whine liKe a mouth breather , weaK w / feely emotions , as if a grunge rocK ending isn ‘ t enough . can ‘ t you appreciate that by Killing yourself you will entertain a lot of people ? i encouraged the narcissist in you , tortured him n you were beginning to understand that no one ‘ s ever appreciated what they have until it ‘ s gone n how that translates in blood to what you leave behind . you ‘ re too sensitive . n you Know i ‘ ve numb / d you . you will never regain the experience you once had as a suburbanite shit – disturber , sKateboarding in the rain w / ” friends . ” for the last handful of years you had a better appreciation for how shrinKing into isolation tightens the noose . you were a better writer since you embraced death . but , you can ‘ t give up focusing on repairing the frustration n the guilt for my actions ; you have too much empathy for yourself , when selfishness is need / d to fulfill yours n mine ‘ s destiny . you ‘ re just too fucKing sad about what i did for us , for your legacy . you can ‘ t let go of the belief that there ‘ s good in all of us , including you ? no matter how much of life ‘ s vibrance i ‘ ve drain / d from your eyes . a sad , stubborn , unappreciative aries , jesus man ! why don ‘ t you just live in this hate w / me ? letting you find a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition n empathy … n having a daughter who reminds you daily of the Kid you used to be , full of love n joy , smiling at every person you met . that massaging of your hurt heart weaKens me , us , to the point we can barely function , creatively , too caught up in the warm embracement of love . why can ‘ t you stand the idea of your daughter becoming a mirror / d version of your miserable , self – destructive poet – self that we ‘ ve finally become ? when you walK upstairs , you have it good . very good . n you ‘ re too fucKing grateful . remember , since the age of seven i help / d you grow hatred towards the humans who attacK / d your gift n try / d to medicate your uniqueness . they didn ‘ t maKe it easy on you , that ‘ s why you need / d me . i protect / d you by using the pain as what fuels our furnace n we only need / d just a little longer to finish this legacy . the first draft was done . empathy ! why not for us ! for it ! the dream of a fashionable exit , rather than your bloodline curse of numb / d n toothless in a hospital bed , slowly being eaten away by the genetic ticK that infests us . it ‘ s safer to hate , yet you ‘ re striving towards love . so , remember me w / each unchewed piece of food that burns the pit of your nauseous stomach n never forget that my address won ‘ t change . i am a part of you , but it ‘ s obvious you don ‘ t want me or my Keys to unlocKing your literary shotgun . creativity requires breathing room , remember , n that ‘ s why we push / d away those who got too close to us . w / our erratic mood – swings . you don ‘ t have the passion to maKe it w / the liKes of cobain n hunter n Kerouac . they traded their souls for what they wrote n here you are , breaKing your contract n running away , liKe always . you don ‘ t have the poison you need w / o me swimming in your bloodstream . remember , it ‘ s better to burn out than add more Kindling to Keep the fire burning longer . guilt , shame , repression . bj draKe .
your life may be happier w / o me , but w / our separation i taKe w / me the moniKer bj draKe , which i nurtured into what is was .
now , you are nothing , but the wimply shell of robert radKe , a man who ‘ s never been anything w / o me .
bj draKe .