… we ‘ re sorry to interrupt your routine benightedness w / a breaKing extend / d weather forecast alert .
itchy , darK clouds have been spot / d mushrooming the sKy above a single , suburbanite home – occupy / d by a mysterious n rarely seen white middle – aged male – on the corner of a quaint n unsuspecting neighborhood cul – de – sac .
neighbors here claim that not a droplet of rain has drip / d beyond his perfidious picKet fence . in fact , they say their prayers have been answer / d . this storm , to them , is vengeful . sad tears from a disappoint / d n angry god . to them , this liquid hellfire is god ‘ s attempt to cleanse the – rumor / d – evils of this suspiciously guard / d young man who won ‘ t say hello .
regardless , we strongly urge the young man to remain indoors .
staple worn quilts n coats over the windows n place wet towels over any mirrors . this circling electric cloud above your wooden box pulsates w / a furiously drunK rage . unscrew the lightbulbs n unplug the electronics . consider hiding under a thicK blanKet .
flash floods are coming . an empty stomach n a straw will not help you swim . the salty waters burn loose sKin n peel stain / d teeth . these foul / d droplets of rain infect open / d wounds n will gouge their own orifices when none are left to flood .
we warn you , young man , the temperature outside will drop until these pesKy raindrops harden / d into icy grapeshots that shatter the sKulls of small animals .
we strongly urge the young man to stay in doors . preserve air w / shallow breaths . use ibuprofen in large n harmful doses to relieve atmospheric pressure . don ‘ t risK peaKing even a single eye outside until you ‘ ve heard birds chirp n children laugh , again
only then have the thorny , dead stems bloom / d w / flowers . only then is it again safe to step outside w / an absorbent sponge n begin cleaning the winter ‘ s mess .