the voice

from a faint whisper grew a harden/d n hateful voice that crawl/d from the bacK of my head n squat/d at the forefront of my mind n there he has rest/d since the inception of consciousness.  rent-free w / no chores .

he squander/d his godliKe powers ; he couldn’t be bother/d n so i stay/d a lump of clay that slouch/d into itself .

he was quiet , pretend/d to be dormant n sleep through my childhood .

unconcern/d , he allow/d me to wander , naïvely thru the world that he hid from ; awaiting at home to criticise the adventure , later .

he had fail/d in his lives n was determined to pour a grain of his eternally salty punishment into  me n need/d to gouge new orifices ,  when it hurt ,  he turn/d up the television’s volume , distract/d the noise n muffled the pain .

he slept light , easily woKe ,  stuff/d in a rusty n sunKen cage , willingly ; he need/d his groans n grumbles to be defensible .

he’d watch w / impatience the rusty bars of his secondhand cage  flaKe w / the vibration of his heavy breath n so he began picKing at the bars liKe a neurotic who rip/d fleshly wounds to later plucK the fresh scabs .

he plan/d to weaKen his jail cell n escape ; he slowly plan/d his escape n the furious attacK on me – annihilation / death – for trapping him .

when i slept he stapled polaroids from forgotten childhood photo albums  under my eyelids n snicKer/d w / every blinK , every paper cut .

when i’d walK pass/d a mirror he’d scoff n tisK , abhorred w / my thrift-store rags , yet lecturing frugality when wearing brand names .

when my mind was at ease , content n pleasant he’d hit play on his tape recorder , slowing down n rewinding clips of the nights i blacKedout .

when i’d step in public he’d worry my anxiety , everyone is watching you , but on days my chest was pump/d in confidence he’d remind me that not even those obligated to love me have ever given a fucK ; what makes you so fucKing special , anyways ?

i argued w / him , yell/d n scared roommates who began to talK .

i beg/d him to let me free .

i beg/d him to stop .

he told me he’d stop w / a taste of bootleg vodKa to calm his nerves , so i obliged n doused the starved gremlin in the cheapest bottle of gas station stocK/d potato vodKa .

he chug/d , mouth to the sKy liKe a Kitten under the tap .

he rattled his cage , raging ,  smash/d the empty liquor bottle n reach/d thru to poKe at me w / a shard.

his bloody teeth chew/d thru the flimsy bars until they broKe ; teeth n bars .

we made eye contact n i could see the revenge in his eyes ; his imprisonment is my fault n blood shall spill .

he lunged w / a pocKet knife n i blacK/d out .

i woKe up 34 hour later , soaK/d in sweat n piss , unable to swallow w / an empty bottle of ambien on the floor n miss/d pills under the pillow mix/d w / shards of broKen glass n blood on bedsheet .

but , that voice was gone ; the mind was still .

dead or  sleeping .

i locK/d the door n hid under the blanKets , not risKing he is resurrect/d n sneaKs bacK in w / a load/d shotgun .

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